31-year-old mom refuses to let 32-year-old husband actively involved in raising their children, he considers divorce: 'I told her it bothered me and she said it was all in my head'

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Aug 31, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Parenting is never a walk in the park for anyone. In the situation presented here, the protagonist is a man who's been with his wife and mother of his children since college, but it just goes to show that longevity doesn't mean much when you're incompatible. He feels as though she is refusing to let him parent their children. Anytime he's alone with them, she seems to freak out. She accuses him of "hogging" them when he's simply putting them to bed, for example. The worst and cherry on top of the entire disaster comes when she needs to be hospitalized, and she doesn't even trust her husband to take care of them while she's away. She insists that he let her parents babysit them. Push comes to shove, and he comes to her asking for a divorce. 

What would you do if it were you? There seems to be a fundamental difference between them, and if she doesn't trust her husband to take care of her own children, then they don't have trust at all. 

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  • 01

    WIBTA if I divorce my wife because she does not want me actively involved in raising our children?

    Father with his young kids
    via Yuganov Konstantin / Canva

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My wife (31f) and I (32m) have been together since college and we've been married for 7 years. We have three children together
    via u/Malkxixt

  • I think this man is in the right. It's unbelievable that she would insist that her parents take over while she can't watch them. It really comes down to trust in the relationship, and if you don't have trust, then you don't really have anything at all. 

  • 03
    and I am sick of either having to step back and let her raise the kids almost as a single mom or fight with her because I did
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    something with our children, even something as simple as feeding them. But that's where I'm at.
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    She wasn't like this when our oldest was born. It started when she was pregnant with our twins. She would always tell me to tidy
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    or run some errands when I wanted to spend time with our child. Then she'd keep him by her side the entire day or she'd go off
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    somewhere if I said we should all spend the day together and focused on our oldest. But when the twins came it was worse.
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    Every time I went to feed or change a baby she was telling me to go back to bed or to run to the store for something. Whenever she caught me holding and doing
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    anything with one of our kids it was like I was committing a crime. When I'd ask her what the issue
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    was she said there was nothing but I should just make myself useful. Even if I was doing that.
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    One time she was delayed on the phone talking to her sister so I put our oldest to bed and got the twins fed. She freaked out and
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    A family during sunset
    via aldomurillo / Canva

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    yelled at me for doing it without her. I told her it wasn't like I went off schedule and she was busy. She said that wasn't the point.
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    Then came the fights about me trying to be with the kids instead of working or running errands.
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    When I took time off I would make sure I got time with the kids and she'd be ready for a fight and if I didn't let a fight happen she'd
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    yell at me anyway. Whenever I didn't push through she'd find a way to keep the kids from me.
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    I told her it bothered me and she said it was all in my head. Another time she accused me of trying to hog the kids even
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    though I hadn't been home all day. She hated me babywearing. I was screamed at for picking the kids up from her parents house one day. She was at an
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    appointment and I was getting out of work so I thought it made sense. But she told me she
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    decided to leave them with her parents so I should respect that and I told her I was just as capable of taking care of them as her.
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    Doctors in a hospital
    via Octavian Grigorescu / Canva

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 22
    She was hospitalized briefly a couple of months ago and that's when I reached the point of like f this we should divorce. I took some days off work so I
    via u/Malkxixt
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    could be with the kids and she kept telling me to go back to work and let the kids stay with her parents until she got home.
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    And she was screaming at me while she was in the hospital because I had the kids. She sent her parents to try and take them off me twice.
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    When she recovered I told her this couldn't continue and if this was the way things would be we should divorce and she screamed and said I would be an AH to
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    destroy our family and break up our kids stability. Even my own parents told me I should find a way to make it work. But she won't even sit down and talk to
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    me, therapy is out of the question on her part and I don't want the kids to see us fight every time I interact with even one of them. WIBTA to divorce?
    via u/Malkxixt

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